** Disclaimer : Don't ask please, aside from one soul and she knows who she is. I won’t be explaining any of this, she’s the only one who could get me to talk right now. But I need to actually post this somewhere. Wither anyone care to comment or not. This isn’t for that or pity, if anyone comments awesome if not whatever...


I just wanna cry right now seriously. That poem I posted ealier, '' SomeTimes '' I feel it some badly right now. I just don't want to be alone. Yet I feel I am. Like nobody give a crap about what I want. I feel all weak right now, like I've been crying it hurts to move right now and even breathe.

I miss my sis so badly right now, I need her to make me smile. To 'rub my ears' and just make me not feel like I'm not alone in the darkness.
(( I know you'll understand 'that' hun. -snuggles- ))

There's just so much shit going on right now. With family cruds and job troubles, the lack there of on the latter. I haven't had a job in over a year. It's getting rediculous. Then the family shit on top of that. I'm dieing to go back to college if only for those few sweet hours of reprive from this bloody house. A few nites ago I was litterally crying, begging '' God Kill Me Please! '' I'm still here. >_< I know I don't really want to die.. there's still to much I want to do, to see. But it just hurts. I don't know how much more of this my mind can take.

I wish I could let it all out, just shout to the whole world for someone to understand but I'm to scared that I'll fall and won't be able to come back. I feel like I'm so fragile that if I breathe wrong I'll break. I want to just give up to say '' Screw This '' and just let go. Maybe someday I'll be free before there's nothing left. But right now I'm just so tied down its like I have the weight of everything on my shoulders and pounding in my skull.

I wrote this the nite of the last 'blow up' So it's old, and has a little bit more 'harsh words' than I normally use. Unless I'm pissed then all bets go out the window..

** Warning Contains '' Language ''


....


Kakago Zebat?!
What The Fuck?!

Why is it when I'm happy things go wrong?
Why is it that no matter how hard I pray I feel no peace?
Why do the tears burn so much?

Zachem Khochu
Why am I crying?


Why do I feel like I'm never good enough?
Why is it when I cry I'm alone?
Why am I even here?

Ya Soshla S Uma
I've lost my mind

I'm losing my self and no-one cares.
I'm lost and can't be found.
I'm falling and I don't want to get up.

Pomogi Mnye
Help Me

Don't let me fall, I don't want to lose it all.
Don't leave me here by myself.
Don't let him bitch at me if he expects me to listen.

....
Sometimes everything is fine, sometimes I feel okay. But when he start in it's like he can't stand my happiness. Why is that?
Am I not good enough for him?
Does he ravel in my pain?
That's it isn't it? He like to see me cry, to hear me ways my voice just to get him to listen. As if he even does.


....

I'm crying out, falling on my knees praying.

Dear Lord just kill me now..

....



-sigh- Now if you all will please excuse me.. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep again. ~Kit